The theme of my day today was residue. That word kept lingering in my head all day today. I just could not shake it. So, I got home and asked God to show me what all this was about. I love how faithful He is to me and to us. He showed me that residue is the aftermath of a process. If you have ever been in a chemestry or physics lab after every experiment there is residue to clean up. It's usually proof that a process has occured, good or bad, residue is inevitable. When is good, it's so anticipated and welcomed and longed for. But when it’s ugly we try to ignore it, stuff it so far down that we “forget” it’s even there. But somehow it always comes up whether we want it to or not.
So, I just had to ask God to tell me what does my residue looks like. After all this processing, what are the names of my residue? One thing He reassured me is that He will always work out everything, good or bad, for His good and for my good. So, my residue was titled anger, doubt, fear and blame. Ugh, talk about ugly! So, today I was angry, doubtful, fearful and casted out blame left and right all in the name of love. I love our humanity but at the same time it’s so perfectly flowed. Ah, I am so grateful I have a Savior! Today He was MY Jesus. I clinged to His Name like a child to a mother’s arms. I kept saying His sweet name Jesus…Jesus over and over till it saturated every ounce of me. I just needed to hear it out loud. And He kept saying over and over in a gentle whisper “I am here”… “I am here”.
And my imperfect human existence found rest. I was at peace again. In an instant the anger was replaced with love, the doubt with faith, the fear with hope and blame with repentance. Yes, my dear reader, all of this all in one day’s worth. It never seizes to amaze me how we do the things we don’t want to do and don’t do the things we want to do and do all knowingly. As God’s creation we are so uniquely gifted and uniformly flowed by design so where we are weak He is strong.
Usually I would end with a prayer but tonight I would like to remind you of the sweet, gentle whisper “I am here” said the Lord. There is power in His Name!
Love you all deeply!
April 15, 2008
April 11, 2008
Safe Harbor
God and I have been talking a lot about sharing. A friend at group the other day "triggered" this post. We were going through the questions on the dvd and we all shared. I had one of them ask me after why I don’t share a lot. I responded by saying that my experiences of sharing in the past have not been very pleasant. And I come from a very different background and upbringing that most of my stories people have seen only in movies. And I don’t want to trivialize or have them misconstrued. So, I have learned that the only people I can share are the ones who truly respect who I am and are culturally open minded.
For example, if I were to share a story about my childhood. A story that goes like, a bad man wanted to hurt me, but when I told him my father's name he let me go. People who don’t understand the culture and how it works would respond something like this: “Did you hear?! She was raped, she is just not telling us and that’s why she doesn’t open up and from that a child was conceived. She didn’t tell anyone, so her parents send the child to Switzerland and the nuns in the Alps are raising the boy. Poor thing!”
Now, that didn't happen and no one speculated that, but do you see the craziness!? The sad thing is that I have seen many situations in my life and others as well of how assumptions can be very dangerous. It prevents the very thing that we want people to do. To share. And as a result, it prevents connecting. It prevents us to create a safety net if you will, a safe place for them to be known. I have realized that people just want to be known. They want their life witnessed. After they're gone,they want someone to say they were "here". They don’t want to be “weirdo’s”, or “strange”, or “mysterious”. Sorry for labeling. No but really, it’s that simple.
So, I am grateful for my life group and mozaic community. For the safety and acceptance it provides. I am grateful that we look past our “points of reference” and are able to relate with one another. But what I like the most is that we don’t pity each other! We just LOVE! We want to experience God together through the experiences that He prepared for us in advance. So, my prayer for us today is that instead of filling in the blanks we'd ask questions, instead of assuming we'd search for new levels of understanding, instead of "talking" we would pray each other into a safe harbor.
Love you all deeply!
For example, if I were to share a story about my childhood. A story that goes like, a bad man wanted to hurt me, but when I told him my father's name he let me go. People who don’t understand the culture and how it works would respond something like this: “Did you hear?! She was raped, she is just not telling us and that’s why she doesn’t open up and from that a child was conceived. She didn’t tell anyone, so her parents send the child to Switzerland and the nuns in the Alps are raising the boy. Poor thing!”
Now, that didn't happen and no one speculated that, but do you see the craziness!? The sad thing is that I have seen many situations in my life and others as well of how assumptions can be very dangerous. It prevents the very thing that we want people to do. To share. And as a result, it prevents connecting. It prevents us to create a safety net if you will, a safe place for them to be known. I have realized that people just want to be known. They want their life witnessed. After they're gone,they want someone to say they were "here". They don’t want to be “weirdo’s”, or “strange”, or “mysterious”. Sorry for labeling. No but really, it’s that simple.
So, I am grateful for my life group and mozaic community. For the safety and acceptance it provides. I am grateful that we look past our “points of reference” and are able to relate with one another. But what I like the most is that we don’t pity each other! We just LOVE! We want to experience God together through the experiences that He prepared for us in advance. So, my prayer for us today is that instead of filling in the blanks we'd ask questions, instead of assuming we'd search for new levels of understanding, instead of "talking" we would pray each other into a safe harbor.
Love you all deeply!
April 10, 2008
2007 Top Ten
These are a few of the things I learned in 2007:
1. Grace without truth turns into an excuse and excuses are sin.
2. Ministry "costs" and people you can trust are a true treasure.
3. Learned that being "in love" with who you thought someone was, is not really being in love with them.
4. Resting in God's will is the best thing I have ever done.
5. How important receiving an "I am sorry" is, especially when you don't get it. A sincere " I am sorry" is crutial to healing for everyone.
6. In the midts of pain, being fully content!!
7. Being alone with God is a true gift. Now, I know what it means when I say "He is the bread of life".
8. I have NO desire to be June Clever or Mary Poppins...Not bragging, but I really like me! Well, I kinda' knew that:). It's nice to revisit though.
9. "True friends" has a whole new meaning to me.
10. Old "rules" still apply such as: Listen to your parents, trust your "gut" feeling, a person's friends tell a lot about his character etc..., and remember life is beautiful, even when you can't see it.
1. Grace without truth turns into an excuse and excuses are sin.
2. Ministry "costs" and people you can trust are a true treasure.
3. Learned that being "in love" with who you thought someone was, is not really being in love with them.
4. Resting in God's will is the best thing I have ever done.
5. How important receiving an "I am sorry" is, especially when you don't get it. A sincere " I am sorry" is crutial to healing for everyone.
6. In the midts of pain, being fully content!!
7. Being alone with God is a true gift. Now, I know what it means when I say "He is the bread of life".
8. I have NO desire to be June Clever or Mary Poppins...Not bragging, but I really like me! Well, I kinda' knew that:). It's nice to revisit though.
9. "True friends" has a whole new meaning to me.
10. Old "rules" still apply such as: Listen to your parents, trust your "gut" feeling, a person's friends tell a lot about his character etc..., and remember life is beautiful, even when you can't see it.
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